Primary and Secondary Roles – The primary role is typically adopted in early childhood. Roles adopted in adolescence are typically secondary, meaning that they’re part of the face the person shows the world, but not necessarily internalized. In contrast, the primary role is typically internalized by the individual and may be closely related to how a person sees himself throughout his lifetime.
Fallen Hero
One example, the “fallen hero” role consists of a person who plays hero as a primary role and changes to scapegoat, usually in early adolescence (but can happen later, after a sports injury or other narcissistic wound). The child is made the hero of the family system and remains in that role until he decides (or realizes) that he lacks the tools to meet the families expectations.
For example, you might see this with a client who transitions to junior high school and suddenly finds it is more difficult or impossible to get the grades that are expected at home. The child decides (or realizes) that since he cannot find significance by being the best, aka the hero, he’ll become the worst and behave as a scapegoat. Though he may continue to hold the countenance of a hero, this individual will begin acting out, often indirectly, in ways that he perceives will “punish” those members of his family system who held him to impossible expectations. It is, however, interesting to note that this individual typically yearns for the approval of the parents or caregivers, often to such a degree that he does not realize the extent to which he is angry at them, or even that his behavior is an attempt at vengeful punishment.
Lost Hero
This is an individual who was a lost child in the family system and then decided to compensate for it by becoming a family hero. As usual, this transition typically takes place in early adolescence, though it can happen later, particularly with athletic development.
The lost hero will present as a “normal” family hero, with a couple major differences. First, this individual will typically have a history of unconscious self-sabotage just prior to success. This is someone who misses the bus to that all-important job interview or has a big conflict at work just prior to receiving a promotion. Second, though they will initially appear to the world to be self-sufficient and polished, they will typically have an acute sense of self-loathing and inferiority which will reveal itself in time.
In relationships they will present initially as independent and flexible, but will eventually transition to becoming needy, rigid and difficult.